November 14th 2006
JEMIMA
Sweetie, hello hello- sorry I disappeared for a few but he was gorgeous- I have to say
Took the car in for a detail at the local car wash. If that isn't a cover up for some Armo Mafia shop you can dishonour me. Got into a convo about the SL 500 with some tricked out swarthy with enough gold around his neck to shame my Auntie. Nice enough bloke except for the nose hairs. Told me the guy in Borat is actually talking Armenian. Hmm, fascinating...anyway...decided to get a coffee and look around. The Village( huh? where is the psot office- very LA La to call a hanful of shops a village) is a strange place. The land of the blondes- there are three local blonde bombshells in the area. Number one has a massive lock of hair down to her waist- very nice ash blonde- wanted so much to ask her what shampoo she uses but she looked out of it- you know- standing there by the bus stop nodding. Talking to someone in her head. She wears baggy baggies and a very cool pair of specs. Didn't blink when I slipped her a fiver. Just two minutes up the road I saw her counterpart. Must be 60 and really falling apart in the face. Make up on like a hookers- trainers( ugh how I hate those out of the gym!), knotted ropy veins on her legs which were barely covered by a short forest green nylon mini- it seemed to have no elastic in it and she had to clutch it as she stomped around the bus stop on the other side of the road from the dreadlocked librarian. Definitely wasn't going to ask her about her shampoo. And then, at another bus stop I saw the queen of the homeless blondes. Seen her a few times and she is in a different outfit every day- one day all in cream, another sleek black leather and another head to toe denim. Her hair is platinum - no fucking roots in sight. sunglasses on her head, high heels, perfect maquillage. tasteful jewellery and high heels. You'd never know she was homeless except for her sun pickled sausage feet and her pile of luggage. Desperately wanted to chat to her but the Armo came up the street and asked me for a coffee. Wasn't tempted- the firefighter was still at home- got out of it as I was still clutching my Starbucks which I waved under his wiry nostrils. Anyway- see u later at Urth . If I have to wear lentil burger shoes at that place I'll kill you.
XXX That Simpson girl has my Vuitton! Ugh.
MAUD
Everyone has your Vuitton - well except me- there’s something to be said about being the only person with a $10 copy from that little shop in Nottinghill…have had loads of compliments. Anyway maybe a little late to Urth – I know I’m not meeting you for another hour – but it’s good to be forwarned as my Auntie Edith – (she was on my dad’s side) would always say. I’m stuck in the Social security place – it’s very odd – went off to open a bank account for us - bloody nightmare – the woman at the bank( I think she was Armeninan) anyway – she looked at me as if I was going to rob the bank and was even more suspicious when I said I had no idea what she was talking about – Social security number – apparently you can’t get anywhere without one – so two forms of ID- social and a visa - so here I am on Sunset in the longest line ever – waiting to get one. I have some goss - in front of me is a woman who is the spitting image of Penelope Cruz – who’d have thought she’d be stuck here waiting in line too and I swear I saw Tom Cruise at the bank . Got to go - some strange Korean woman is beckoning me over to the counter –
MAUD
Mima – am rushing to Urth as I blackberry - I know I’m five minutes late – will you forgive me…ended up having a bit of a fight with the Korean lady - she kept telling me that my visa wasn’t the right one – anyway - got it sorted - well kind of…starving hungry… oh and I got a text from my friend – you know the one - he’s the one who was in his room with his earphones on while his flat mate was bludgeoned to death in the living room – did I tell youabout that – anyway – big mystery – no-one knows who did it…well first he text and was very kind and asked if we wanted to stay at his till we sorted ourselves out (he’s still living in the same place…) and – he’s just got married – to some girl from Vegas – and I thought he was gay…can see Urth – see you in a mo!
JEMIMA
he's totally gay- any fag hag worth her salt can see that. Who the fuck did he marry- she's probably gay too.
Fuck Urth let's pick up something at Fred Segal and try on clothes...need some retail therapy...the fire fighter is married... the wife is back today so that's the end of my ladder and hose piping for a while. Better get some knickers on before I get to FS- second thoughts I'll buys some.. I'm sticky xxx c u sooon xxx Jems xx
MAUD
He married a vegas girl – who knows could be a stripper!!! – Look J- I hope you don’t mind -but er – well I got to Urth and was waiting and I met a cute guy – well he gave me his number – we’re just going to have some coffee – nearby at his place – and don’t you start thinking things – he’s perfectly respectable – he’s an actor – and I mean he really is - he showed me his SAG card I demanded proof – as my mum’s best friend Aggie always said – never trust a man with a pretty face unless they can prove they have their own pot of cash- so anyway… I inspected the card – it was all kosher – so just a quick one - he wants to show me his reel…
JEMIMA
you slut, j
MAUD
J – can u come pick me up…turns out cute guy isn’t a reputable actor – his reel was – well – I’m embarrassed to say this but it was filthy porn!!! And ,,,to make matters worse - after I told him I wasn’t that kind of girl – he told me to leave as he had to go cos his shift started in an hour – no not more porn – at the bloody Pizza parlor … I should have listened to my cousin Marge – she always said never believe them when they say have a big wad –it’s not always the case…I’m so embarrassed – I need a vodka just to calm my nerves…
No comments:
Post a Comment