Britney's Growler

December 10th 2006 JEMIMA so darling we have got to start wearing panties! Get here as soon as possible so we can go to Agent Provocateur. Last night we had a little dinner party and one of my luvverly male friends who shall remain nameless said that he had found himself buying trashy magazines- you know the tabloids sweetie- and I asked him why. "I've got a thing for Brit Brit" he said about Paris Hilton's new poochie friend. " Something about her huge tits and baby one more time- it does it for me." "Have you seen the pictures of her growler?" I asked and he was so suddenly in such a kerniption I had to get out my lap top and show him the pictures I was sent of her getting out her car pantieless. Now I thought her moomoosh looked rather sweet- all clean and tidy but within seconds his desires and fantasies were crushed. " It's all over." he complained. "What? so fast? How so?" I screeched in amazement." two minutes ago you wanted to bang her solid!" " Yeah but now I've seen it. That's it- the mystery is gone. It is no longer a golden chalice it is a muddy hill- a tepid bog." Well fuck that I thought. Better get some panties pronto . There is no way on earth I want my chalice relegated to peat and moss in someone's mind just because they see it unannounced. Men- they are fuckers. Still- he did ask me to email him the pix right there and then - so it may be a bog but still worthy of a barclays. Come over and let's shop xxx jemmie

MAUD

Forget about big panties - I have just found the perfect place to buy trendy stuff for under 20 dollars - I mean it is the LA version of Top Shop. You might laugh Jems - but remember my bank account isn't quite as bottomless as yours and nor are my panties! I found the cutest dresses - look just like a little Prada number but cheaper and fair enough so the material isn't as great but in two months the trends out and I can go back for more - Forever 21 - honest - I'm taking you there as soon as I get back...and it's quite close to Victoria's Secrets- so youcan go getsome big pants from there...although my mother just sent me some new underwear - very sensible elasticated hip huggers - you can have them if you like - I haven't worn them...